12/29/07

IN THE MOMENT: Team Fortress 2

One thing that has always annoyed me about video game reviews is when they try to rate the online portion of a game. Let us take Halo 3 for instance. Any review of Halo 3 is complete and utter poppycock*, at least, moreso than your average game review. The reason that Halo 3 reviews transcend normal review poppycock, attaining new levels of poppycockery**, is that they all try to rate what is on the disc, not what is on the net. No one on this planet really gives a damn about Master Chief's story on any real level. The only reason we kinda sorta care is simply because he's been with us for a while. When people actually play Halo, they don't say "Check out this awesome story!", they say "BOOM HEADSHOT FAG!". They care not about the arc (why am I killing this Grunt?) they care about the action (I killed a Grunt! w007!)

So what? You might say. Is not the action defined on the disc, in form of the Halo code?

Yes. I would reply. The action is defined on the disc, but that is not where it resides. A definition is different from an actual thing you see. A definition is but a property of a thing. What the disc contains is code, which is but an actions definition; it is not the action itself.

At this point, you would have two options. Option one has you stroke your chin (or, seeing as you are probably a gamer, your Cheeto-soaked goatee) in mild interest and ask me to continue. If this is your chosen option, please jump ahead to the paragraph marked A.

Your other option is to vehemently disagree with my point. If so, please email me with your retort, and skip to the paragraph marked B, or rather the point of this post, as paragraph A is unlikely to sway you.

A) I would continue to say that there is no point in playing Halo if you don't play the multiplayer; playing Halo's multiplayer is like playing Half-Life's single-player. It's the whole god-damned point. While it is incredibly useful to understand games as abstract systems of mechanics that the player must use to overcome obstacles...and shit, I forgot where I was going. Crap.

*God, I love that word

**Patent Pending

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