July 08 Round Table: Hardnessicity

So hey, another month, another round table from the folk(s) over at Man Bytes Blog! The wootage knows no boundaries!

None I say!

So this month is all about difficulty in the gamings. One of the things that has always fascinated me about gaming is the line between an honest challenge, and simple frustration. I think this line is probably best show by Assassins Creed.

Now, AC is not a bad game to be sure. It's simply a game that, like alot of good games, really enjoys shitting on you.

Take, this for instance.

So I'm like halfway through that game. It's been good, but not fucking awesome, and I'm sitting here thinking, 'Man, where's the game Penny Arcade was playing? Cause shit man, I wanna play that game.' So anyway, I decide to really buckle down, and give this game a real shot at wowing me. So I decide to play it by the book for my next assassination. No bullshitting around, no being a dick, no high profile shit; the book.

So I stake the place out. I figure I could come at it from my targets right, since that's the quickest way back to the bureau*. So, I take out the two guards all quiet-like, sit in the shadows, and wait.

And wait.

And wait some more.

As I wait, I come up with a nine-point action plan. It goes like this










So I wait some more.

And more.

My dogs come into the room, and one licks my legs. Still, I wait.

As I wait, I realize that my nine-point action plan can actually be cut by one whole action! Since I am this close to where my target will be once the fucker shows up, I really don't need to run-run-SHANK. What I really need to do is jump-SHANK. EFFICIENCY!!

So I wait some. One of the dogs tries to get into my lap, but I push him off. You see, I am taking the game cereal.

My brother comes in.

"What are you doing?"

I tell him about my nine- oops! My seven-point action plan.

"Well you need to trigger the event first"

I reiterate the brilliance of my seven point action plan. I offer making a chart.

"Yeah, but you need to trigger the even first."

I sit there, dejected. No way. I did my shit right. I did the stealthy, I did the guard-taking-out, I DID MY SHIT BY THE BOOK. And now, I have to get into the crowd? The heavily guarded crowd? When I did my shit right? When I made my seven point action plan? I got up, went over to the 360, and shut it off.

At that moment, I realized that I have finally matured as a gamer. I have reached the state where I can recognize the difference between a game challenging me, and a game shitting on my face. It's taken me 10 years, but by God, I've done it.

I think that we gamers have grown far to used to eating shit. I feel that when one looks at the video games made up until this point, one can clearly see that very, very few are shit free. Not to say that most aren't shit, but rather to say that they're not shit-free. Now some of this is due to the simple fact that the only one amongst our number who knows anything about game design** has us eating mushrooms. But a lot more of it is due to the fact that we just keep on taking it. So that's why games suck. Because of you***.

In conclusion, stop eating shit, you fucking dumbass.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go play Assassin's Creed...just one more assassination.


*Man, that was a bitch to spell

**I mean anything as in anything significant

***No really, it's my fault too. We're in this together, Person-I've-Never-Met-But-Has-Awesome-Taste-In-Blogs.

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