9/29/08

So I got around the playing Braid...

Oh man. Oh shit. Fucking hell shit yes. Braid.


YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

s


SSSSSSSSSSSSS

*cough*

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

*sip water*

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

So I liked it. Was it kinda faggy? Kinda 'pretentious'? Kinda almost sexist if viewed a the proper angle, just behind the fold of the themes? Yeah. Definitely.

But it was also fucking complete. It was whole. It ended at the beginning, and began at the ending. That's some zen shit right there.

Do I need to even talk about the actual gameplay? Who doesn't know how Braid plays that this point? Rather, who doesn't already have their notion of how Braid plays ingrained into their mind, either by experience or teh internets?

So you know what? Not gonna talk about the gameplay. Right now. But I will talk about how Braid is gonna get remembered.

As soon as I can come up with an argument about how we as gamers have such short attention spans and such little memory...but do we really? I mean yeah, it's vogue to say the internet's make us stupid* and shit, but does it really? in many ways we gamers never forget! I mean, we've got the world's largest memory bank into which we can pour our ROMS for posterity, upload our thoughts on our blogs, and record our actions for eternity**. We like motherfuckering elephants on Lymph*** or some shit. I mean really. WE STILL BITCH ABOUT DUKE FUCKING NUKEM.

So screw it. I'll try a different line of attack.

But it's like, where do I start? It's just so whole. So complete. Other games, I can take apart just by pulling the loose thread, of which I normally have my pick. But Braid...man it feels almost wrong to take that shit apart. Almost.

Okay, so lets start with the bad. Out of the whole game, I only needed to look up the solution to a puzzle three (3) times. They were as follows;

Once, for the puzzle that requires you know that enemies can jump off of you! That's bullshit Blow. I've never seen this mechanic before, never had any situation in which I can uncover it naturally. 'I don't want people to use spoilers' my ass****

Again, to understand how I accidentally solved the second to last puzzle in the second to last world. I hate that fucking ring.*****

Again, to solve the ending 'story' puzzles in the epilogue part. It was 2 am, and I had school that morning! Sue me!******

So there you go. Three puzzles that sucked, but only in relation to the rest of the game.

Go Blow. Hehee...Blow. God, that name is so funny.

Where was I. Oh yeah!

To sum up, the weakest part's of Braid are better than the best parts of most games. Let me repeat that

BRAID'S SHIT SMELLS BETTER THAN YOURS

Comprende, ese?*******

No you don't. Wanna know how I know? Cause I don't comprende it, cause if I comprended it, I would just write a post about that, and not about Braid in general.

So since I don't understand the full repercussions of this statement, I'll just move on. Note that I will return to this in a later blog post...maybe. If I remember.

So hey, taking it apart right? Picking at one loose thread, and just letting the whole unwind. What other threads are there...the bad parts thread didn't work as well as planned...

Oh I know! The story!

A game reviewer far funnier than me has complained about how the story and the gameplay are not intertwined. He states, and I quote...ahh never mind. Quoting is hard. But the basic jist of ZP's story complaint is that since they're not side-by-side, they're apart.

Normally, I feel that ZP is on the money, but this time, I just gotta disagree. You see, I think the 'story' segments were genius. They were Shadow of the Colossus for the PlayStation 2 genius. I think that the small room where those books are located for each level is brilliant. It lets the player read the books only if they want, and normally, they want to, even if out of nothing other than sheer curiosity. It requires a COMMITMENT by the player. None of this forced cinematic bullshit. If you want the story, it's there for you. And people just can't resist that kind of shit.

Secondly, it gives us a frame for the level. It's something like "and on that note, lets play the level!".

The next complaint is against the game's story. Action Button actually had a pretty nice critique of Braid, that pointed out that hey, this story is kinda sexist. Can't find it anymore, so there.

And yeah, I can see that. But is the story sexist, or is Tim? I contend that the whole story is through Tim's eyes, and let's be honest here, he's something of a douche. And at the same time, come the epilogue, we get to see things from a more neutral observer's standpoint.

And shit, while I'm on it, that part at the end where the text changes when you're hiding behind somthing? Fucking A.

...Yeah...I think that's it. Nothing more really to say, at least right now. Art was great. Level design was phenomenal. Story was told through the viewpoint of a fucking sexist shithead. Braid's shit smells better than yours...yeah, that's about it.

Fuck. I gotta end this post now...

OH SHIT! Wait! The stars! They were almost a good idea! It's just such bullshit, because one of them you can only get by NOT solving one of the puzzles, so if you're trying to get the stars AFTER you beat the game, you're SOL. Really, what the fuck is up with that Blow? I mean really, most people are gonna find out about them only after beating the game. And shit, I think it undoes the whole theme of the game, that thing where you end and the beginning, and begin at the end. When you FORCE the player to restarts THE WHOLE GAME, you kinda undo that whole shtick********. Really man, how did that make it into the game?

So yeah. I think that's it.

POST ENDS NOW!

*Like that dude on the Report the other day. What Report? What dude? Guess.
**"DUDE! Can you still feel you nuts?" "I can feel Johnny, but not Depp!"
***EOT AK, eat your heart out!
****It is a testament to Braid's awesome that this/these puzzle(s), if it had been in any other game, could very well have been a highlight.
***** See:****
****** See:*****
******* Team 842, Flacon Robotics, FTW!
********I can't believe that the Firefox spellchecker has that in it's database.

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